Jack and Jill
Director: Dennis Dugan
Starring: Adam Sandler, Adam Sandler, the Great Al Pacino, Katie Holmes who sometimes looks like Anna Faris in this, Some Children, Norm MacDonald for once NOT being creepy, And ... Probably Another Adam Sandler in there SOMEWHERE.
Oh, my friends, we're in for a treat. I, like many of you, saw the trailer for the latest attempt at eye and ear rape spectacle that is another Adam Sandler movie, and thought "might as well make THIS the day I'm gonna burn down the city."
I went to my local theater, like most of you with our shotguns in tact, telling the guy selling me the tickets, "If this is as awful as I think it's going to be, I'm going to kill everyone in this theater, then myself." Then got my tub of popcorn and jug of cola and went into the theater, ready to perform Seppeku, to truly entertain the children. But as the film reached it's credits, I thought "Maybe I was in the wrong theater. Surely, this is the day my senses truly just give up and I'm left in my theater seat as a rotting vegetable." But, no, I was in the right theater, saw the movie I paid money to see. And instead of something I assume would be worse than cancer of the child's soul, I saw a work of genius.
Yes, genius, it took a long while but Adam Sandler has helped create one of the greatest pieces of satire this generation will hope to receive. It's not a bad movie, it's a great movie attempting to create the Ultimate Bad Movie. It's genius is in it's hinted desire to fail. And that's where it succeeds.
Some of you will not believe me because you cannot see how I saw the movie. Fear not my idiots, let me help and explain why "Jack and Jill" will quite possibly revolutionize the way we look at film.
We all know Adam Sandler has been going downhill for a long while now. With lackluster comedies like Mr. Deeds (a movie with maybe a FEW memorable moments), Don't Mess With The Zohan (which was more unfunny and racist as opposed to being hilarious and racist) and his last attempt Just Go With It (which had ONE legitimately humorous moment ... in fact, I'll show you it so you don't have to watch the rest of the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naOrfPrYD
The movie is about twins, so they start the movie off by interviewing real twins about what it's like ... being a twin. Each set of twins has their own quirky story, some of them having decent humorous lines and cracks at each other. This may throw you off into thinking you're not watching shit, or an Adam Sandler movie at all. But fear not my simpletons, this is merely a movie technique to lure the audience into a stage of self delusion, thinking they're watching something the least bit human, making the planned actual shitfest ready to pop at you when you least expect it. They want you to think you're going to watch something with the slightest bit of what Hollywod decrees to have "heart" and "character" and a "purpose". But it's all part of the ruse people, the fun is REALLY just beginning, as we get our first whiff at Adam Sandler parodying himself!
Adam Sandler continues his most beloved unfavorable role as a family man. No doubt to point out to the audience that his success isn't something he's going to just keep to himself, he's rich and COULD stop making movies right now, but he won't. That's to add on to his annoyance, and it works well here, considering we don't care for him. That's why every character he plays recently has A) a hot wife B) at least TWO children and C) A lovely house, only attained by those above the middle class, a class Sandler can no longer relate to. So, Sandler and Dugan know the stage is set for shit. Brilliant.
Now, they take a basic mediocre movie premise and amp it up on the "zany" meter to 11. Adam Sandler has to invite his cooky sister over for Thanksgiving (Just in time for the holidays, making us accidently watch a holiday movie. Oh, sneaky.) Hmm, that's not "tiresome" enough of a mediocre premise to make this movie truly the Citizen Kane of Unholy that it could be. Wait, is that ... Yes! It's Adam Sandler, in a woman suit! With an accent so awful and unfunny, you can't help but you subconsciously smile.
The "being multiple characters" and "being in drag" schtick has been done before, many argue Eddie Murphy perfected it. In his Nutty Professor movies, he played so many characters, all with different character traits, with subtle hints of humanity and with such likability, that it was hard to remember that Eddie Murphy is sitting down and talking to himself. Luckily, Adam Sandler will have NONE of that. Not for this piece of genius. He worked so hard on his "Jill", probably studied years to perfect the role, amping his annoying level to "bagillion", so that no matter how hard we try, we cannot convince ourselves that these are, in fact, two different individuals. We cannot even try to think "yeah, it's kinda convincible".
He also leveled up his game in this art by making sure his Jill was not only not likable or convincing, but also not funny. Oh, she says funny things, and looks funny, and gives funny faces, but comes off not so much "funny" as much as "agonizingly annoying". Which is all part of Sandler's craft, he knows levels of annoyance better than any man should, and he made sure to over react just right, to say every line to such obnoxious lengths and to make every word he (she) said so painstakingly horrible, that the audience has no choice but to not laugh, but to pity. Adam Sandler is an artist, knowing truly how to to grab and break into tiny pieces our "suspension of disbelief" and pummel our sense of humor to the ground. Brilliant.
Well, already this is Oscar gold, but how can we at least try to earn a Mega-Super-Oscar? Why, intentionally terrible writing! Of course!
Adam Sandler films were al ready sort of kid friendly, even his stuff with bits of adult content could be handled by a small child because Adam Sandler is a big child. So when trying to force that child friendly theme into his films like Bedtime Stories, you're going to end with something that's just gonna be more sad than funny. The kids are probably gonna get a chuckled or two but not understand the main lame "sort of" adult story, and the adults taking their kids are slightly getting dumber with each passing moment of a CGI booger or fart sound effect. Now, assuming Sandler and Dugan want to make their Shakespearean Turd to be agonizingly awful, you figured there would be more goofy cgi, or at least another big eyed gerbil somewhere. But no, they're putting the audience through another test, and decided to go *gasp* ... "less annoying". Ingenious, putting god awful with tame terrible is a brilliant blend, it leaves us wondering when's it going to get worse!? They do so by giving Jill a pet bird. Does it repeat everything she says, only MORE annoying? Why, you'd be a fucking moron to think otherwise. Sandler rewards our intelligence in predicability by making that thing never shut up, or die.
They also intentionally up the ante with the terrible writing by doing whatever they can to make this film sooooo not for kids. How? By randomly throwing in adult situations into dialogue, just so kids will be forced to ask "Dad, what's an atheist? What's a hooker? What does the gardener mean by 'crossing the border'? What's it mean to be circumcised?" All for the sole intention of forcing your little spawn to grow up faster than you intended. You can send your "Thank You" cards to Sandler and Dugan by watching the movie at least 10 more times.
There's many other wacky antics going about. Like how Sandler needs Al Pacino to do a coffee commercial. Brilliant sub plot; it's not the least bit relatable, kids will have no idea what an Al Pacino is, and it wastes a great actor's time. Though be wary, my only criticism is I think this is the point where the director has kind of lost train of thought. Al Pacino is trying to ruin this film experiment by being honest to goodness funny, and looking like he's having fun. I think the director must have not been paying attention during most of his scenes, maybe they'll fix it when this movie gets released on DVD, Blu-Ray, Blu-Ray 3D, Downloadable Digital Copy, and Downloadable Copy you can thrust into your mind so that you'll see this movie every time you go to sleep. It's a valiant effort boys, but please, don't let Pacino's blooper reel be part of the actual film. I damn near almost intentionally enjoyed the film for a few minutes. We can't afford actual humor, that's why Allen Covert's role as "funny homeless guy" was so short. Dugan wanted a short glance at actual humor, even if it was tame.
Alan Covert, being with Adam Sandler since the beginning of time, perfected the role of actually trying to be humorous and likable in his role of "funny homeless guy" and BOOM, like 5 minutes he was gone. Whether because the script called for him to leave or if Allen Covert himself simply wanted off this film because he thought it was retarded and didn't get the brilliance of it. Either way, it worked, it lured the audience once again into another feeling of security, lead them thinking "hey, that's passable for humorous and likable, maybe there will be more of him". But no, we throw him out as fast as you start to like him, all part of the reeling in for the real great shit.
Luckily the director realized Pacino was clowning around and decided to kick it up a notch by throwing in more awful. Yay. Just when you think this film can't possibly get any more high brow, they have the balls to put in a 1 minute long scene where Jill takes a shit. My god, I am on the floor, killing myself, it's that brilliant. A minute that felt like an eternity, we don't see it, but we hear it, and that's awful enough for me. Seeing Adam Sandler talk to his sister, as she's behind the bathroom door, whipping out diarrhea shits of epic proportions. No doubt they put months of research into finding the perfect sound to illustrate pure uninhibited gushing of 15 swollen assholes that soon will be titled "Jill's Chimichanga Symphony". To go so mediocrely bad, then to just go the whole mile and whip out the shits of the ages, just so film critics such as I can take in a breathe the genius of this film's brilliant satire of low brow comedy? Who DOESN'T have an erection right now?
And to make this the Opus of awful, they cover every cliche they can think of and more. Forced uninteresting romance? Check. Switcheroos? Check. Shenanigans? Check. Smart, unlikable, and mildly funny kids? Check. Cheesy generic kids film music? Check. Celebrity cameos? Check, check, and John McEnroe. All this, combined with an ending so cheesy and incomprehensible (Sandler and Sandler with tits apologize via mumbling incoherent jargon, played to dramatic music), that it makes us cry. And crying equals an erection of mass proportions for Mr. Dennis Dugan.
So, my friends, fear not, there is hope for the cineplex whether you're a down-trotted lower class hick looking for a cheep laugh, or a highly sophisticated chap looking for a good honest to goodness parody of something a hick would watch, then "Jack and Jill" is your God.
"Jack and Jill", a film for the ages, because it aims to please neither young or old, smart or dumb, it aims simply to be. Fuck your kids, and fuck you too.
This movie is rated PG. For PURE GENIUS.